Fall 2009
Volume One / Number Seven

Patients who have weight loss surgery will most certainly experience changes in the way they perceive their bodies and their overall selves. In fact, many folks have told me that this transition was more significant and difficult than losing the weight. While the pounds might come off quickly, you may discover that it takes a bit longer to change the way you see yourself and think about your body. As I often tell patients, “fat body goes away faster than fat brain.”

Developing a healthy body image is very important for true success from weight loss surgery. By “true success” I mean achieving your goals for both body and mind. One common problem among weight loss surgery patients has to do with having unrealistic expectations as well as confusing who you are with certain aspects of your appearance. Let me define some terms and explain how people get tripped up on the way to a healthy adjustment after surgery.

Body image is how you see or picture your body. It is how you believe others perceive your body. It is what you believe about your physical appearance. It is how you feel about your body and how you feel in your body. Body image is different from self image. Self image is how you think and feel about your overall self. It is how you believe others perceive you. It is what you believe about yourself and how you feel about yourself. The underlines are to illustrate the importance of your beliefs on how you feel.

Body image should be only one aspect of self image. But often this is not the case. What you look like and what you think of your overall self should not be thought of as the same thing! Even more problematic is when you make the leap of using your body image as the number one criteria in judging your self-esteem or self-worth…but this is quite common.

Many people confuse their judgment of what they look like with their overall self-worth ….and this is the source of the problem!!!!

Evaluating your overall self-worth based upon any element of your appearance is inherently flawed. Concluding that your overall self-worth is poor because you’ve got a few extra pounds is as irrational as concluding that your self-worth is high because you look good wearing a nice hat!! So why do we draw these ridiculous conclusions?

The media acts as a propaganda machine determined to shake our confidence and constantly convince us that we aren’t good enough….that way we keep buying their products, trying to chase some ridiculous, ever-changing and unachievable goal of beauty. Why do they do this? MONEY!

As a result, poll after poll shows that most women report that the images they see on television make them feel unattractive. So you keep dieting to fit into their clothes, and buying cosmetics and other products, buying into the media’s myths and misrepresentations of what true beauty really is. You never quite get there because they keep changing what’s desirable…so the pursuit and the self-loathing of being not quite good enough are endless. The damage to our self-esteem is endless, and the body-hatred and self-hatred created is devastating. You never stop the pursuit, falsely believing that you’re just one small step away….and are thus never happy.

What can you do?
1. Don’t believe the media hype! Much of the information and images we receive about what we “should” be buying and what we “should” look like is from the media, whose airbrushed and physically-perfect models and spokespeople are not rational goals for you to shoot for…DON’T BUY IT!!! STOP “SHOULD-ING” ON YOURSELF!! If you continue to endorse irrational objectives, you will continue to experience unpleasant and exaggerated emotions. Keep your goals rational and your emotions will follow in kind.

2. Don’t weigh yourself more than once per week. Weighing yourself every day causes tremendous anxiety and creates too many opportunities for you to berate yourself. Add to that the fact that your daily weight is influenced by many factors, not just what you ate. While you’re at it, stop looking in the mirror more than necessary. Constantly looking at the mirror causes you to obsess about what you see that you don’t like. Why take extra opportunities to remind yourself of what upsets you?! If you must look in the mirror, at least focus on what’s right…not what you think is wrong.

3. Emphasize your strengths. You have many. Give yourself credit for what is good about you. If there are things you want to change, feel free to do so, but remember this is a lifelong process…not something to be done in two weeks.

4. When people compliment you or your appearance don’t deflect their praise…just because you have a nutty and distorted image of yourself doesn’t mean that your friends do as well. Don’t assume that their comments are incorrect because they don’t see what you see. Who knows, maybe they’re right and you’re wrong?!

5. Stop living your life for “someday.” Many people put off pursuing life goals until they are thinner and look a certain way. There’s a good chance that 90% of the activities that you are saving for “someday” or “thinday” you could be doing right now. For example: overweight people are allowed to vacation in Europe!!

6. Remember: If you live only in hopes of tomorrow, you’re not really alive today!!